


Little Lion Man

by Eishexe



Category: Bones (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-29
Updated: 2013-01-29
Packaged: 2017-11-27 11:39:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/661573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eishexe/pseuds/Eishexe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everyone's mind has a breaking point...this is Booth's.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Little Lion Man

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer : I don't own Bones or its characters/storyline or Little Lion Man they both belong to their own creators/writers/artists.
> 
> For Amy because she's the one that got this song stuck in my head.
> 
> READER WARNING:  
> Nothing graphic! But mentions of attempted suicide, drinking, and marital/child abuse.

_Weep for yourself, my man,_  
 _You'll never be what is in your heart_  
 _Weep Little Lion Man,_  
 _You're not as brave as you were at the start_  


"RAR!" He yells, jumping over the couch startling his mother. His father is not home from work yet, and the world is perfect. "RAR! I'm a hungry lion and I am going to eat you all up!"

"Oh no!" his mother gasps, throwing up her hands. "A lion! Whatever shall I do!"

She trots from the room frightened. He runs after her, believing she really thinks him a lion. The chase last for a few minutes until he finally catches up to her and pounces. His mother covers her face pleading for him not to eat her. He stops mid roar, worried she does not recognize him. He pulls the hood of his Halloween costume from his head.

"It's just me mommy!" he cries frightened he has taken his pretending to far. He pulls at her hands trying to see her face. "See is just me, Seeley. I won't eat you Mommy. Mommy?"

Suddenly he finds himself wrapped in her embrace his exposed belly being tickled and his mother's laughter rings out clearly around him, mixing with his. He is happy and everything feels right. Soon though the moment slips passed and the slam of the front door reminds him of the reality. The yelling starts almost instantly. Then the slamming of other things, his father's heavy foot falls through the house. He runs away up the stairs to his brother's room. Finding his little brother still asleep he closes the door again quietly. His mother cries out in pain and he flies down the stairs again.

"Leave Mommy alone!" He yells pulling at his father's hand. He is struck across the face and the memory fades.

  
_Rate yourself and rake yourself,_   
_Take all the courage you have left_   
_Wasted on fixing all the problems_   
_That you made in your own head_   


He sits alone staring dully into the bottle of liquor beside him. He hasn't touched it in over an hour. What little is in his glass long forgotten. He thinks of throwing the bottle across the room, the liquid within it is the same auburn color of her hair. Her soft long hair that always smells like lavender. Instead of the bottle, he throws her as far from his mind as he can; which of course is not very far. He sighs knocking back the whiskey, concentrating on the burn of it on its way down. How had everything gotten so turned upside down?

He was the strong one. He always had been. He had protected his brother from their father, protected his mother when he could. He protected her, laid down his life for her more times than he could count. He had died for her once, died in her arms, unable to reassure her when she started to cry; begging him to stay with her. He had had to watch as she receded into herself at his funeral. Reset herself back to the woman she was before he met her. Yet he had resisted the over bearing urge to run up to her, wrap her in his arms and tell her everything was OK. That he was still here. But he hadn't. Being the strong one was written in his DNA.

Yet here he sat, drowning himself in whiskey and tears that periodically escaped in torrents. He had almost cried in front of her once; but managed to hold them back. He shifts pouring himself another glass. He wonders what he is going to do. How he is going to be able to treat her the same, knowing what he does now? He thinks back to their first case, how much she had hated him. How much malice had been in that slap of her's. His face burns with the memory as he takes another numbing swig of liquor.

  
_But it was not your fault but mine_   
_And it was your heart on the line_   
_I really messed it up this time_   
_Didn't I, my dear?_   
_Didn't I, my dear?_   


The tears come again. He feels like a child, unable to control himself. Why hadn't he said more? Why had he shut her out? _Because she shut you out first._ Comes the voice in the back of his mind. He grits his teeth ordering the voice to be silent, taking a long drought straight from the bottle, there isn't enough left to worry pouring it out now. Why hadn't he said how he felt? Why had he pushed her away like that? Drawing a line in the sand, and telling her never to cross it again. That he could never love her like he had again, that she had missed her chance. That to him, she was nothing more than a co-worker, nothing more than a partner.

  
_Tremble for yourself, my man,_   
_You know that you have seen this all before_   
_Tremble Little Lion Man,_   
_You'll never settle any of your scores_   


He wants nothing more than to escape. Escape from the pain, escape from the emptiness in his chest, escape from his life. Everything and everyone in his life passes over his blurred vision, and he feels the shutter of his shoulders. His world is crashing down around him and the only one that could save him, he has driven from him. He feels like someone is stabbing him in the chest over and over, and for a moment he imagines there is. He imagines himself bleeding out in the middle of his kitchen floor, the memory of her face burning in his mind. It would be an easy way out, and easy way to escape the mistakes that have brought him to this moment.

He squeezes his temples between his hands, trying to curb his sobbing; but he finds he cannot. He let that moment pass him by. He let himself tell her he was over her. He let her walk out of that bar alone. He made her believe he was through with her. He had done everything he had promised her he would never do. He had been the one to hurt her. He had protected her from everyone but himself. He feels sick as he realizes the parallels between himself and his father. After so many years of running from his father's memory, it all came back to him in the end.

  
_Your grace is wasted in your face,_   
_Your boldness stands alone among the wreck_   
_Now learn from your mother or else spend your days biting your own neck_   


Why had he pushed her that night? Why hadn't he waited? Why hadn't he let her figure things out for herself? Why had he gambled on the one thing, she had held too precious to gamble on herself? A fresh set of tears pours down his face. Why had he only given her those two options? Why hadn't he paid attention to the look on her face? A loud sob escapes his lips as he realizes he did notice it. He did notice how painful his words had been. But because of the angel that she was she had taken it. Remained by his side, and drank herself sick just so he wouldn't be alone. His stomach lurched that though she had rejected him she had never left him, not like Rebecca and Hannah had. She had taken her mistake in stride realizing she was going to have to live with it; and had settled for his anger rather than not having him in her life at all.

Why hadn't he learned from his mother's mistake? In the end he had left her just like his mother had left him and his brother. He grabs his hair in frustration, trying to resist the urge to lash out. He fails. The whiskey bottle shatters to the floor along with the glass. He stumbles from the kitchen, and down the hall to his room. He never makes it collapsing in the hallway and curling into a ball; finally giving in to the sadness he's held inside for far too long.

_But it was not your fault but mine_

"Booth?" he hears his name, but cannot respond; paralyzed by how tired he is, how worthless he feels.

_And it was your heart on the line_

"Booth…oh my god…Booth?" There's her voice again. No it isn't real. He's dreaming again. He feels her hands pressing against his chest. "Booth can you hear me? Booth stay awake…stay with me."

_I really messed it up this time_

Suddenly he feels the dampness of his shirt, turning his blurred vision towards where her hands rest. His grey t-shirt is stained red. What happened? He glances about weakly; a bloody knife rests by the kitchen door. What has he done? He looks up, tears are brimming her eyes as she tries to stop the bleeding. He tries to speak to tell her everything; but all he can manage is a faint I'm sorry before everything slips away from him.

_Didn't I, my dear?_

_Didn't I my dear?_

_Ahhhhhh…_

Pain everything slowly comes into focus. He is lying in a bed, he feels the bandages against his chest. He wants to open his eyes but they will not move, and neither will his body, so he listens. The soft beep of an EKG machine, the low murmur of people outside his room; and then her voice washes over him. She is speaking to someone, another unfamiliar voice responding.

_But it was not your fault but mine_

"He may never wake up Brennan…we may have to face the fact that he could be like this for the rest of his life." He remembers the voice, it's his brother. Jared. "You can't stand there and tell me you think he's going to pull through this…he stabbed himself 5 times in the chest. He shouldn't be alive right now Temperance!"

_And it was your heart on the line_

"No. He will wake up." She says, defiance framing her every word. "I will not give up on him, Jared. I can't. Not after everything he has done for me. I. will. not. give. up. on. him. Not today, not tomorrow, not ever. I am still his medical proxy not you. And Booth will be the one to decide when he is going to come back. Not me and most defiantly not you!"

_I really messed it up this time_

He feels a tear trail down his face. Why can't he open his eyes? Why can't he speak? The memory floods back. He realizes the moment he thought he had imagined was real and that Jared's words were correct. How long had he laid there unable to realize he was bleeding to death? How had she found him? He realizes it doesn't matter. She had been the one to find him. He has to tell her he is still here. After everything she had been the one to save him after all. How could he have done this to her? Anger wells in his chest. He can't give up. He has to tell her he was wrong.

Didn't I, my dear?

Her hand slides gently under his, while the other wipes away the stray tear from his cheek. He takes comfort in the gesture, the warmth of her touch. He will come back to her, he knows he will. But for now he will sleep and she will wait.

_Didn't I, my dear?_


	2. Why

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Filling the hole.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer : I don't own Bones or its characters/storyline or Little Lion Man they both belong to their own creators/writers/artists.

__

The buttons on my phone are worn thin  
I don't think that I knew the chaos I was getting in.  
But I've broken all my promises to you  
I've broken all my promises to you.

He remembers and it feels like he's been gone for far too long. He feels tired, oh so very tired. His life flashes passed him like wildfire. He wonders briefly if his time is up. He has been dying before but it had been sudden. No time to think back on things. He feels like that is a much easier way to go.

His mother walks out on him and Jared, and their father is close behind. Pops stays, protects them when their parents would not. His birthday and Jared's. They were born the same day, three years apart. The cake Pops made them for their sixteenth and thirteenth birthdays burns in his memory. He smiles and plays his way through high school. The darker moments slip in from being a sniper. The lives that he ends, the people he loses in the process. He graduates from the academy. Parker is born. A case he can't give up on. An anthropologist and her team of squints that he can't stand. He calls her to ask if they could meet at the bar for drinks. He fires her, rehires her. The slap, that he still feels the sting of, from so many years ago. They find they have more in common than they know, music is one thing they can agree on. He realizes to late the danger he puts her in, the old friend he thought he could trust. She stops correcting him when he calls her Bones. He holds her as her world crumbles, her very identity shaken. He sneaks a peek at the copy of her new book, she dedicated it to him. She is taken from him, all that's left in her place is a phone call. She doubts in her ability to know a good person from a bad one, he offers her a guy hug. Another mark on his death talley, but he protects her. She pulls him into an impromptu to kiss under the misltoe, and he wonders how he ends up with the gum. He watches as she stares blankly into his grave. He dances with her at the prom she never got to go to. She rejects him. They both run off to opposite sides of the world. She comes back realizing her mistake, he comes back with her replacement. They drift apart. Hannah says no. Bones chooses to be his partner since he gives her no other acceptable option.

He wishes she would speak, save him from reliving all the hell. All the moments he couldn't protect her, all the moments he let her down. All the times he'd dialed her number half way but hung up for fear of what he'd accidentally say. They plague him. He wants to wake up, but fear holds him back. What if she has moved on? Moved passed his rejection? He couldn't lose her again, not like that. This is the only way he knows for sure to keep her. He can't stay like this for ever, he knows this. Eventually he will have to wake up and break the spell. He wonders if she will be there when he does. He feels like slapping himself. Of course she will. Bones will always be there, because she unlike him never broke a promise.

__

Why do you do this to me?  
Why do you do this so easily?  
You make it hard to smile because  
You make it hard to breathe  
Why do you do this to me?

She keeps the tv low if not muted. He finds it more peaceful when she reads to him. They are medical journals and anthropological research papers from her students that he doesn't understand; but it doesn't matter. The sound of her voice and the constant feel of her hand on his, brings him a peace he has never known. He realizes the truth and accepts it this time. She is his everything. She is who he's been looking for. He understands now that it was never Rebecca. He understands now that it was never Hannah. Nor any of the other women in between. Rebecca taught him understanding, taught him that life had to be shared, because she gave him Parker. Hannah was a make shift tourniquet, to dull the pain. Eventually he knows it would have ended, hard, sudden and on his part painless. Her leaving had not hurt him as much as he believed it had. He will thank her one day for saying no.

 _It's about time you figured it out Sarge._ Comes the voice in the back of his mind. He doesn't order it away like before. He welcomes it. _Come on Sarge wakey wakey. Don't leave the lady waiting._

He feels the coolness of the room around him for the first time. His heart sinking as he feels the emptiness of his hand. Where is he? Was he alone? He feels his eyebrows knit and then slowly his eyes flicker open and he croaks out the one word he can remember.

"Bo…nes?"

__

A phrasing that's a single tear,  
Is harder than I ever feared  
And you were left feeling so alone.  
Because these days aren't easy  
Like they have been once before  
These days aren't easy anymore.

The nurse informs her he has a visitor in the waiting room. She ponders, and wonders if she just leaves them there if they might just go away. She sits staring at the muted television her hand resting atop his so he knows she is there. Jared will be back in a little while to sit with him; so she can get home for a shower and then off to the lab to get some work done.

One year. One year and he has never stirred. The doctors can't explain it. They say it isn't a coma. They say when he's ready he'll come back. She shutters to think what he's putting himself through. His lungs and wounds have long since healed but his skin will forever carry the scars. He's been breathing on his own for months now, yet still he hasn't come back. She wonders what caused this breakdown. She wonders if she could have stopped it, if there had been signs something like this would happen. She wonders but knows what would have happened if she hadn't stopped by. She couldn't remember now why she had. She rubs circles on the back of his hand, studying his face. She remembers his smile, how a true one would always light up his eyes. The door to his room swings open and she looks up irritated at being disturbed.

"I'm sorry Ms. Temperance." Booth's day time nurse, blurts out exasperated. "I couldn't stop her."

"It's ok Ashley." she replies, standing but still not letting go of his hand. "It was too much to hope she would just give up."

"You left me waiting out there on purpose?" the uninvited guest gaps. "I've been calling since I left Kuwait!"

"You're not welcome here Hannah. I thought he had made that clear when you refused to marry him." She informs the intruder. "Get out."

"You can't tell me I can't…" Hannah starts.

"Yes I can." She snaps, placing his hand gently on the bed and moving towards the door quickly. She backs the intruder out the door and into the hallway. She barely with holds the anger she feels rising in her throat. How could Hannah dare to show her face here? After what she did. "You will not see him."

"Is that so?" Hannah scoffs. "Well I guess I'll be calling someone that can over ride you. I believe I still have Jared's number."

"No you don't." his smug voice almost seems to growl. She watches as he slides up beside her helping to better block the door. "You are not who he wants nor who he needs; now I suggest you find the door before I find it for you."

For a moment Hannah stands staring down the both of them. She feels like slapping the reporter for sheer stupidity. But just as she decides to do just that, she hears it. Small faint and full of pain.

"Bo…nes?"

__

Why do you do this to me?  
Why do you do this so easily?  
You make it hard to smile because  
You make it hard to breathe  
Why do you do this to me?  
To me, to me, to me.

She hurries to his side, taking the hand she's held onto for a year. He takes a shaky breath as his eyes begin to focus. She realizes she is not breathing. The last time he'd woken up like this he hadn't known who she was. But he'd said her name hadn't he? His eyes move around the room slowly, calculating where he was; and then they fall on her. She realizes how much he has faded, how ghost like his face has become. A year of waiting had all come down to this moment. Would he remember her? Would he remember anything? She bites her lip, waiting and hoping.

"Bo..nes.." he stammers through her name again, forcing his lips to move properly. "I…wa..s…wr..ron…g. I'm so so..rr..y."

Her heart swells in her chest, staring deep into those brown eyes she'd missed so much. She squeezes his hand. He knew her. He remembered her.

"Don't leave." He mutters as he takes another deep but shaky breath, and his eyes droop shut. The rhythm of his chest falling into a slow pattern; one it hasn't risen and fallen to in a long time and she knows he is sleeping. He will stir again when his body his ready. She feels the hot tears stream down her face, holding his hand to her mouth. She barely registers Jared telling Hannah off once more before shutting the door in her face.

"Stubborn little..." Jared growls, grabbing her cellphone to find Cam's number. Work is out of the question now. He will wake again, and when he does she will be there.

__

I should have known this wasn't real  
And fought it off and fought to feel  
What matters most? Everything  
That you feel while listening to every word that I sing.  
I promise you I will bring you home  
I will bring you home.

He smiles in his sleep as she tucks the covers in around him. He likes it better here than in the place he was before. Her touch feels warmer, her voice sounds sweeter. Consciousness is coming and going but staying awake is growing easier. They haven't really spoken yet, but he knows that now is different. The smile on her face is all the reassurance he needed. Everyone but her is a stranger at first, but his memory of them is coming back. Pops' comforting presence, Jared's familiar laugh, Hodgins' inability to stay still for more than three seconds, Angela's angel like smile, Cam's expensive scent, Sweets' awkward air, yet still there seems to be a hole in him that none of them, not even Bones, fills.

They talk about going home. The nurse says another few weeks. She immediately informs him he is staying with her until he gets himself back together. He knows what she really means and glares at the wheelchair across the room. She wants him somewhere that both her and Jared can take care of him. His little brother has been staying with her too. She found it completely illogical for him to continue living across town when his job and the hospital were closer to her apartment. He smiles again remembering how 'mom-ish' she could be.

Everything is working itself out. He grows anxious however. The hole in his chest almost feels like its throbbing, and it will not go away. It tugs at his mind, at his memory. Why does he feel like something is missing? All his friends and family have come to see him. Haven't they? He groans inwardly as the doubt continues to eat away at him. It was there, that thing he's forgotten right there on edge of his sleep. He reaches for it, but it slips through his fingers as he's pulled back into reality. He feels her hand on his cheek and he turns into it groggily opening his eyes.

"There's someone here to see you Booth." She smiles turning to look towards the door. He moves his head, it feels like it weighs a ton. The smile, that lights up his eyes like fireworks, breaks through.

"Dad?" the teenage boy questions stepping forward and wrapping his skinny arms about his father. He swallows a grunt and lifts his arms as best he can to return the affection.

"Parker." He states more as a realization of who the boy is, versus in greeting. _Now try to stay out of trouble this time, ok Sarge?_ Comes the voice again. He looks up seeing the ghostly figure only he can see. He nods slightly in silent thanks. The figure of his guardian chuckles shaking his head, fading out into nothing. The hole is filled. The tears fall down his face, but not in sadness. He is happy. His world is whole again. No one forgotten. No one abandoned. No one still waiting.

__

Why do you do this to me?  
Why do you do this so easily?  
You make it hard to smile because  
You make it hard to breathe  
Why do you do this to me?


	3. I Will Be

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Absolution.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer : I don't own Bones or its characters/storyline or Little Lion Man they both belong to their own creators/writers/artists.

_There's nothing I could say to you  
Nothing I could ever do to make you see  
What you mean to me_

He listens to the quiet of the apartment and smiles despite the loneliness crawling its way into his chest. She is everything he knew her to be and more. Watching her come out of her shell with each passing day he realizes just how much she has blossomed into the person he's always known to be there. Yet still she surprises him. Little moments when she silently understands a comment, just a hand full of years ago would have had her saying, 'I don't know what that means.'. Besides Parker, she is the best thing that has happened to him. Everything he had been looking for was in her, was her. How could he have not seen that? He wishes there was some way he could get that across to her in words. Yet every time he tries to he fails. She brightens his morning, makes the worst day bearable, and he knows just how lucky he is every time she smiles.

_All the pain the tears I cried_  
Still you never said goodbye and now I know how far you'd go  
I know I let you down but it's not like that now  
This time I'll never let you go 

The past rushes into his mind and he cringes. He knows how badly he messed up. He knows there is no reason for her to hold on and yet she does. She is still here, still waiting for him to make up his mind. He rubs the scars across his chest; they will always remind him of his mistake. Why, after months of not seeing each other outside of work, did she stop by? He wonders. He sits up knowing tonight will be another sleepless one. Pulling on jeans he'd shed just hours ago he shuffles off into the kitchen, fighting his way into a t-shirt.

He stares blankly at the kitchen table. He feels his stomach twitch, as he envisions what happened that night. The night he finally snapped under the pressure. The night he'd let down everyone that had depended on him. He leaves the memory behind and moves off to the living room. He falls into the arm chair and flips on the TV. He knows there is nothing on this time of night but he must find something to distract him before his mind wanders, but it is far too late. The night on the hoover steps races forward from his memory and he winces reliving it.

**The first blow to her heart.**

He gambles on something she cannot. He gambles on the one thing she holds to dear to risk: never losing him in her life. He back peddles, closing that door before she has a chance to really explain. He does not give her the time she needs to sort things out. He should know above all others she does not make split second decisions, especially not ones with which he is involved. But he is to blind to see it.

**The second blow.**

He comes back with someone knew, to prove to the world and himself he has moved passed her. She informs him that she has made her decision now. He informs her it's too late. She swallows her heart break, giving her blessing with no thought for herself. She wants him to be happy above everything else.

**The third blow.**

He turns on her at the bar after Hannah's refusal. He gives her no quarter, only presenting her with two extreme options. She picks the one he doesn't believe she will. She chooses to be in his life as his partner and treats him far better than he deserves.

**The fourth and final blow.**

He nearly kills himself because there is no escape from the pain. She blames herself for not being there to comfort him. Not picking up on the signs that something was very wrong. He tries to tell her it wasn't her fault. That he did this to himself. She doesn't believe him, but drops the argument. He rubs his face in frustration as she attempts to change the subject. Dinner needs tending and she leaves him to his thoughts.

_I will be all that you want and get myself together_  
Cause you keep me from falling apart  
All my life I'll be with you forever  
To get you through the day and make everything OK 

He grunts as the realization hits him for the second time in his life. She is his 30,40,50 years, she always has been. He wishes it hadn't taken him this long to understand what she had figured out unknowingly. There were just some people that you could truly not live your life without. He stands up and begins to pace in front of the TV; imaging the conversation. He tries to anticipate how she will respond.

"So about everything that happened last year…I just want you to know I'm ready if you are." He mutters out loud to himself. "Ok that sounded better in my head, um. Ok what about. 'Are you still willing to give us a chance? I really messed up and'…no that's not going to work. Oh my god I sound like an idiot."

_"Why don't you just tell her the truth, Sarge?"_

His head snaps up but he relaxes instantly. Teddy is leaning in the door way of the kitchen, a shit grin on his face.

"Because it is not that simple, not with Bones." He replies.

_"Sure it is Sarge. She's a woman I don't care how 'logically' her brain works. The right one comes along and says those three magic words she's going to believe it."_

He groans shaking his head. Every which way he plays it out, sees her freaking out, receding back into her shell. He sighs, sitting down on the couch and cradling his head. He can't give up there has to be some way to step over that line he'd drawn in the sand, some way to erase it entirely.

_"Don't make my mistake Sarge. Not telling Clare I loved her is my biggest regret."_

The scars on his chest irrationally begin to burn. He rubs at them furiously. He knows how deeply he cares for her, how he would give her everything she needed and wanted. He knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that they are meant for each other. He knows his fate had been sealed since the first time he'd offered to comprise with her that day he picked her up from the air port. He'd opened the door, invited her in as it were; offered her a place in his life that she had eventually become comfortable in. So comfortable she had refused to risk it for anything. He feels like a school boy again, standing on the playground trying to work up the nerve to tell Kelly Whitmore he likes her. He nearly jumps out of his skin at the small rhythmic knock on his front door.

_I thought that I had everything_  
I didn't know what life could bring  
But now I see honestly  
You're the one thing I got right  
The only one I let inside  
Now I can breathe 'cause you're here with me  
And if I let you down I'll turn it all around  
Cause I would never let you go 

She sits watching the day run by. She does not remember why she left work early today. It is probably due to her inability to concentrate; yet she tells her team it was a rough week and she is tired. It is a nice day as far as the weather is concerned. She has spent the last half of the afternoon sitting by the reflecting pool; watching the crowds of Washington DC's citizens hurrying along to unknown destinations. He calls her and she smiles her way through the conversation. She cannot let him know every moment away from him is killing her. She must face the consequences of the mistake she made. She wonders if he knows. She wonders if he still loves her the way she loves him, she debates with her self if she should ask. He asks if she would like to have lunch with him and Parker tomorrow. She agrees, unable to pass up and opportunity to spend time with him even it its only for a moment. His cheerful goodbye is almost enough to break her heart. She realizes he doesn't know, how could he?

She knows she is going to have to say it, out loud. She feels the fear well up in her. She cannot bear to lose him. She knows that saying it, is taking a chance she has never, up until this moment, been able to take. But if she is going to take a chance it has to be him. He is the only one, besides Angela, that has broken through her defenses. The only one that she has not thrown out of her life; when things got too complicated. She feels her metaphorical heart sink into her stomach. Despite her best efforts, her best laid plans; she has become dependent on him. She thinks better when he is around, concentrates better on the task at hand when she is confident in her place in his life. She shifts her posture for the 8th time that hour and sighs crossing her arms over her middle.

This was not what she should be doing right now. She should be back at the lab helping to identify people, she should be doing her job. But no, this was how Angela finds her, thinking the day away on a slightly uncomfortable park bench.

Her best friend does not speak at first, weighing the silence for some sign she will offer some kinda of answer to the unspoken question; and of course unable to stand the urgency emanating from her best friend, she speaks.

"No. I am not ok."

"Do you want to talk about it?" Angela asks mimicking her posture.

"I…I am not certain that it will help me figure this out." She replies and there is silence again.

She knows Angela will not push her. She knows Angela will wait no matter how long it takes for her to say what's weighing on her mind. She takes a deep breath and Angela takes her hand in hers. A silent reassurance that she is here.

"I feel crippled. He's crippled me. It is completely illogical how he has made me so dependent on his presence. Ever since he moved back to his place last year, my apartment has become…undesirable. I sleep on the couch at the lab most of the time. I've barely been home at all, the last few months, Angela. I don't know what this means." She sighs. "For the second time in my life I don't know what to do."

Angela smiles knowingly.

"What was the first time?" Angela asks.

"When…when he woke up and didn't know who I was." She states her voice hitching. "I was so afraid when he woke up this time he wouldn't remember me. But he did. And the first word he speaks is my name. Telling me he was wrong and that he was sorry. I still don't know what he meant he was wrong about Angela…I find myself hoping he meant he was wrong about us but I…"

"You have to tell him Bren." Angela mutters, squeezing her hand gently. "You don't see the way he looks at you when he thinks no one is watching. There is a calmness there, a happiness that nothing but losing you could destroy. I've seen that emotion only one other time, that day Jack and me realized we were for keeps. Booth is playing it safe Sweetie; he doesn't want to lose you again. He is where you were two years ago. To afraid to take the risk for fear of losing you completely. He's been your knight in shining armor from day one Bren; that's who he is. He is your happily ever after. And its time you let him save you from your dragon."

"I don't know what that means." She sighs.

"Your dragon is your self-doubt Sweetie." Angela replies. "Your achillis heel. You have to let it go Bren. The longer you hold onto the fact that you think you could never love him like he obviously loves you the worse its going to get. Booth is going to wait for you Bren. No more Hannahs, no more Rachel's, no more anybody."

_I will be all that you want and get myself together_  
Cause you keep me from falling apart  
All my life I'll be with you forever  
To get you through the day and make everything OK 

Hours pass and somewhere along the way Angela heads home; leaving her to experience the sun set alone. Her mind wanders. She thinks about him, every moment they had shared over the last 7 years. Every time he had rescued her from being injured or dying at the hands of the latest insane person. Every time he had put her before himself. Every time he had stood up for her, his alpha male syndrome kicking to over drive. Every time he had treated her like a woman and not as just a partner. She smiles despite the tears that are still falling at random intervals down her face. He had been everything to her, her partner, her best friend, her knight in shining armor. Suddenly she laughs and it is a good laugh, one filled with sheer happiness. The image of Booth in silver shining armor sitting atop a white horse was something that has never occurred to her before and she revels in it.

She knows right then and there what she has to do. She understands completely the choice she is making; and the fear slips away. Chased off by Sir Booth and his gleaming white horse. She has no idea what time it is, and she knows it doesn't matter. She looks up, the moon is high and bright and the stars gleaming. Before her mind fully catches up to her she is moving. She has to see him, immediately. It cannot wait a moment longer.

She reaches his apartment and climbs out of her car, carefully pulling the carry out bags from the passenger seat. There is a soft glow reaching out passed the curtains on his window. He is awake and she is happy. Climbing the stairs hurriedly she races to the elevator. It takes much too long for the doors to open but finally they do and she clip clops inside pressing his floor. She sets the bags down on the floor and sheds her high heels, her feet always throbbed after running around in them all day. Picking up the bags again the elevator announces her arrival with a quiet ding. She hurries along the hallway and finds herself standing outside his door.

She stares at it, and for a moment the doubt comes rushing back. She faulters, taking a step back. The hot food in her hands, floats its way into her nose. No. She has made up her mind. At the very least the food would be wasted. Temperance Brennen didn't back down, Temperance Brennan did not second guess her decisions. She squares her shoulders, stepping up and rapping lightly on the heavy door. She felt the moths in her stomach flitter and twitch. _Butterflies._ She hears his voice chuckle in her head. _Your stomach is full of butterflies, Bones._

_Cause without you I can't sleep_  
I'm not gonna ever ever let you leave  
You're all I got  
You're all I want  
Yeah  
And without you I don't know what I'd do  
I could never ever live a day without you  
Here with me do you see you're all I need __

He walks cautiously towards the door. He knows that knock, but what would she be doing knocking on his door at 1:30 in the morning? Something has to be wrong. His steps quicken and he pulls the latch free and yanks open the door. The sudden panic he was feeling a second ago melts away immediately as she awkwardly holds out the bag of food in front of her. She has a small smile on her face and he can see the determination in her eyes.

"Hi." He manages to say.

"Hi." She replies slightly winded. "I brought you food."

"I can see that." He chuckles taking the bags and stepping back to let her inside. He quickly surveys the kitchen door way but Teddy is gone. He wonders if somehow Teddy knew she was coming. He sniffs hungrily as he pulls out the take out boxes. _Thai._ He realizes. He smiles that it is still steam hot and he wonders how fast she drove to get here.

She appears beside him, plates already in her hands from the cabinet. He shakes his head that she still remembers where he keeps them. They serve each other from the to-go boxes quietly and begin to eat. He can feel there is something she wants to say and he is both curious and fearful. He takes another bite of rice, the silence is killing him. Finally he hears more than sees her place her fork aside. He looks up and she is staring at him. He will never tell her but he loves watching the cogs in her mind turn. Witnessing her face slowly and steadily mold itself around her decision. He braces himself, almost physically, and waits.

"I need to ask something Booth and I don't want you to get upset." She begins, her hands in her lap.

"Ok." He replies as cheerfully as he can muster, placing his fork alongside his plate. "What is it Bones?"

"What did you mean when you said you were wrong?" She asks. "Why did you say you were sorry?"

He looks down at his plate, momentarily hurt she doesn't know. But then there was no way for her to know exactly what he had meant. He hadn't told her. He takes a deep breath, knowing Teddy is watching him; waiting for him to set things right.

_It's now or never Sarge._ Teddy's voice echos through him.

"I was…wr-rong ab-bout us." He stutters, cursing inwardly at himself. No one but her could make him so nervous he couldn't speak straight. "I d-drew a line when I sh-shouldn't have."

She doesn't respond. She sits staring at him, as his answer sinks in. His fingers twitch as he watches for some sign she's about to bolt out the door. But she does not move, she is stark still staring at him. _No._ He realizes. _Not at me. Passed me._ He looks back, over his shoulder and his scars begin to burn again. She gets up moving into the kitchen; where the table he hasn't been able to use since moving back in, sits barren and covered in a thin layer of dust. She touches the table top lightly with her finger tips, but quickly removes them as if the table had shocked her.

"That night…you…you did that because of me?" She asks the tears already falling down her face breaking her voice. He moves without thought. Wrapping her in his arms and holding her. She does not resist, hugging him back with a vengeance.

"What happened was not because of you." He says. "What happened was because I could not face myself, face the idiotic decision I made. You needed time, and I should have seen that but I didn't. Not waiting and giving you the time you needed is the biggest regret of my life. What happened, happened because I could not face the reality of not being what you needed me to be. I wish to God I had never drawn that line, Bones. You have no idea how badly I wish that."

There is silence again, as he waits for his statement to sink in. She sniffles a bit loosening her grip and whipping away the trails her tears had left behind.

"Yes I do Booth." She mutters, moving herself out of his personal space and leaning against the stove."And I'm sorry I crushed your metaphorical heart."

"Break." He corrects.

"What?" she asks.

"It's break Bones, not crush." He chuckles

"Crush seems much more appropriate considering it's an organ, a metaphorical one, but still an organ." She muses, biting her lower lip to stop herself from rambling. The silence falls between them again, both unsure what to do next. She watches him, he has taken to studying his feet. _Something he always does when he feels like he's said to much._ She thinks taking a deep breath. _It's now or never Temperance._

"I haven't been sleeping at my apartment." She states matter-of-factly. His head snaps up eyeing her carefully. "It felt…undesirable. More empty since Jared and you moved out. I didn't know why it felt like that, well no that's a lie. I did know but I knew I had to live with my…mistake."

"You're mistake?" He asks his hope glimmering faintly in his eyes.

"I should have taken the risk that night on the steps of the Hoover." She sighs. "But I couldn't. Not then. You in my life was entirely to important to me. I was afraid that I would fail you some how. I'm not good at things like this. I was so afraid I couldn't love you the way you needed to be and I…"

He is suddenly there, filling her every sense, his fore finger resting on her lips. She looks him in the eyes as she has always done; confidently and openly, expecting the same look from him. But this time it is different. His eyes are lit in a way she has never seem them before. Her logical mind is having a hard time understanding that his eyes are actually shining. _Eyes can't shine._ She thinks. _Stop! It doesn't matter._ She pulls herself back to him and he is still standing there frozen. She realizes then he's waiting for her permission. Without another thought she throws her arms around his neck and kisses him. He respond crushing her against him. The thoughts in her mind stop, complete silence takes over and happiness is all she can feel.

"Us 1, line in the sand, 0" Booth mutters happily as they break apart.

"I don't know what that means." She sighs, as he for the first time in a long while, bursts into uncontrollable laughter.

_And I will be all that you want and get myself together_  
Cause you keep me from falling apart  
All my life (my life) I will be with you forever  
To get you through the day and make everything OK __

_Fin_


End file.
